Just a young heart confusing my mind
by companyundercovers
Summary: Later, when he is running across the lacrosse field, screaming Lydia, Lydia, Lydia, RUN, the two things that cross his mind are that he can't live in a world where she doesn't exist and she doesn't even know that I'm hopelessly in love with her.


**I.**

She is 8 years old the first time Stiles tells her that he loves her.

Lydia is standing in front of Mrs. Johnson's third grade class explaining to her fellow students that a scenario like the one they read about in "Cloudy With of a Chance of Meatballs" is impossible.

She gets really into it, waving her hands in the air with her fingers sometimes getting caught in the ends of strawberry blonde hair when she passionately describes the water cycle. She throws words out like precipitation and evaporation and Stiles knows he's heard these words before but he swears they never sounded more interesting than right now, falling out of her mouth.

Lydia doesn't realize that her explanation of the improbability of large meatballs falling from the sky upsets some classmates. She doesn't notice Claudia's tears or Liam's annoyance or even Scott's look of complete horror. She just keeps educating the class until Mrs. Johnson finally asks Lydia to take a seat and quietly mentions to her not to bring up the subject again.

Stiles watches Lydia's face fall as she takes her seat at her desk, right next to his. He decides he's going to tell her what a great job she did or something, anything to put a smile back on her face. He squeezes his eyes shuts, wills himself to have the courage, and opens his mouth a few times before he finally stutters out that he loves her and it wasn't exactly what he planned to say but it'll do because whenever his father tell his mother that, her smiles brightens the entire room. Stiles smiles broadly at his courage and waits patiently for a response.

He opens his eyes after a few seconds of silence, completely and utterly embarrassed and notices that Lydia is staring at her desk, completely ignoring the world which means his confession fell on deaf ears.

This moment is significant for both of them.

He realizes that if at first you don't succeed, you try and try and try and try again.

She realizes the importance of silencing her brilliance.

**II.**

The next time Stiles relays his confession of love to Lydia is at their 7th grade dance.

This time is definitely better than the first he decides because even though he is almost a million percentage positive she didn't hear him again, by the end of the night her head is lying on his shoulder and he'll take this small victory.

This is what happens.

Stiles planned out every detail of the dance from what he wore to exactly what he would say in his speech to Lydia. He had practiced for months and endured constant teasing from Scott but it was all going to be worth it because tonight Lydia Martin would finally know how he felt and he was praying she felt the same way too or at least was so won over by his attempt that she finally acknowledged his existence.

The possibility of either outcome was the reason he got out of bed each morning.

He arrives late because his father forgot that tonight was the dance and couldn't drive because he was way over the legal limit, causing Stiles to call Scott's mom to drive him. He understands that it isn't his dad's fault, he knows he's hurting and will probably forever hurt because his mother is dead and now he's a widow raising a hyperactive child by himself. And Stiles resolutely ignores the stinging in his eyes when Mrs. McCall gives him a lingering look of pity because tonight is going to be the best night of his life so he uses that thought to propel himself clumsily out of the car and runs into the school, breathless.

And he only has eyes for Lydia _(It's always Lydia, it'll always be her.)_

He's surprised to find her sitting on the floor practically hidden by the bleachers because she is the most beautiful girl in the room even with her face completely puffy and Stiles thinks he forgot how to breathe. (_She'll do that again and again until 6 years later it ends with a kiss) _

Stiles approaches her cautiously because although he is head over heels, completely in love with this girl, he knows that she can literally reduce him to tears with her biting wit. But he thinks he's in the clear when she makes no protest as he sits besides her and almost immediately puts her head on his shoulder.

Stiles is pretty much running off of pure adrenaline and he realizes that his whole plan has been scrapped out and he's scared as hell and he's improvising here but he is sure he did the right thing when he brushes her hair smoothly down and she sighs.

He isn't sure why she hasn't said something yet because she is Lydia Martin and this isn't her normal adolescent behavior and it may have something to do with the fact that knowing someone your whole life gives you this special bond with them even when you've only spoken a few words to each other or at least that what Lydia tells herself later. It totally has nothing to do with the fact that he is just so warm and his smile is the nicest thing she's ever seen.

The sit like this for a while until Lydia hears her name being called by Jackson and she is up and running to meet him in 60 seconds flat.

Stiles barely knows what happened and silently whispers he loves her into the breeze left by her sudden departure and that was definitely not how he planned to tell her.

And maybe he is too young to understand those words but he knew he loved his mom and she's gone and it gives him this complex, because he wants everyone to know how he feels about them before something horrible happens to them too.

(_But the horrible stuff will come much later with werewolves and alphas and a darach.)_

Scott asks him later if anything happened with Lydia and Stiles says no.

Jackson asks Lydia where she was when she wasn't with him, she kisses him softly to distract him from demanding an answer.

Both keep this moment to themselves because it's personal and lovely and Lydia may be super smart, like smarter than anyone she's ever met but she will deny herself from seeing the truth for years and years.

**III.**

Freshman year comes around and Stiles decides he is a man now and men are strong and brave and always get the girl. He might be confusing all men with superheroes but he brushes that off as semantics.

He doesn't really have a plan because the last time he did it totally crumbled all around him so improvisation is key.

Granted, he didn't think that meant shouting that he was in love with Lydia Martin to the entire hallway when a girl next to him asked him if he was gay.

Frantically, he glances around the hall to see if by some grace of God, Lydia heard his confession and she reciprocates his feelings. And he sees a flash of her strawberry blonde hair and his heart jumps into his throat because it is finally happening.

Lydia pulls her headphones out of her ears and places her books into her locker, walks over to Jackson leaning on a wall and kisses him in greeting. He pulls away abruptly, says something that must make her upset because Stiles can see her face fall but it instantly perks back up when her friends ask her what's wrong. "Nothing" she tells them, he can read her lips from where he stands.

Stiles considers the possibility that maybe the universe is out to get him.

Lydia decides that wearing a mask at all times is better than letting people see how you really feel.

**IV. **

His world is filled with werewolves and alphas and death but he is really just focused on how tonight he's taking Lydia Martin to the Winter Formal. And it's a miracle and heaven and everything he's ever wanted wrapped up in a bow.

Stiles has this newfound courage running through his veins and it might have started when he saw her trying on all those dresses or when he said she looked beautiful and she threaded her arm through his instead of insulting him but the source of the courage doesn't matter because now he is using it to get her to dance with him.

He says something like her cute ass needs to dance with him and how he's had a crush on her since the third grade and it's not exactly a love confession but how can she not read between the lines when every time he speaks to her there's adoration in his eyes.

Lydia corrects him. It's the Field's medal and Stiles wants to laugh because of course the only time thing she responds to in his completely ridiculous speech is when he makes a mistake and she can't live without setting him straight. He thinks that if he didn't already love her that would have done him in.

And when they are dancing, he swears that even though she is going to run back to Jackson in point five seconds - this is the best moment of his life.

Later, when he is running across the lacrosse field, screaming Lydia, Lydia, Lydia, RUN, the two things that cross his mind are that he can't live in a world where she doesn't exist and she's going to die without knowing that I'm hopelessly in love with her.

Lydia is pretty sure what she is seeing is impossible but the thing that keeps her fighting for her life is this voice screaming her name. It sounds like her salvation.

**V.**

It's a year later and Lydia is up to speed on the completely impossible world of werewolves and everything has just calmed down because the darach is dead and all her friend's parents are alive and well.

And things will remain calm until the next big bad comes looking for trouble but for now she'll enjoy this peace.

She does this by laying out in the sun during her free period and she invited Stiles to join her because somewhere along the way they became friends, they're apart of the same pack after all.

Stiles is chattering on and on about something and his rambling is the soundtrack to her thoughts until it's not.

Lydia opens her eyes and something is different. He is looking at her like he's seeing the sun for the first time and her hands automatically curl into fists because she is sure that the next words out of his mouth will definitely disrupt her peace.

Stiles watches her reaction to his silence and instinctively knows that now is not the time to say anything. But it's never been the right time for them and Stiles knows that they are in a good place now. He no longer idol worships her, that somehow she became a real person, someone more than just a dream girl. He respects her and her mind and despite all this, he hasn't been able to forget the sensation of her lips on his from that absolutely perfect kiss that happened only a week ago.

His choice to say something comes down to the fact that if he doesn't tell her how he feels in the next 5 seconds, he thinks his heart might break.

"I'm so in love with you, you know that right?" He almost whispers, with his voice breaking towards the end, as his fingers reach out to touch her face. She nods slowly in reply as his callused fingers brush her too soft skin.

His eyes are defeated. "But it doesn't matter does it because you won't ever feel the same."

Her nod in reply this time is probably the single most horrible thing that could happen to him. He sighs and drops his fingers from her face, gets up and walks away.

Stiles tells himself that the bright side of all this is at least he finally can move on.

Lydia begins to analyze why tears are falling from her eyes as he walks away but can't fully make sense of it all because soon it's time for another war in the fantasy world that they live in.

**VI. **

It's the night of their graduation and they are anxiously waiting in line for the signal that will begin their march into the gym where they'll receive their diplomas and finally be able to start their futures.

Stiles is thrumming with excitement and practically bouncing up and down in line. He will be attending Stanford in 3 months and Scott and Isaac will be in a junior college close by and his future is looking really freaking bright.

Someone screaming Lydia's name breaks through his daydream and he sees Lydia Martin in 3 inch heels running towards him down the hall. The teacher who was yelling her name hasn't stopped and what the hell is the only thought that crosses his mind as Lydia pulls him into an empty classroom.

She is breathless and her jog down the hall has messed up her perfect up-do and Stiles would really like an explantation.

"What's wrong? Please tell some freaky supernatural element isn't here to stir up trouble at GRADUATION of all of times and places. Jesus, the supernatural really is a rude lot. I mean you would think -"

"Stiles, Stiles, STILES." Lydia is right 3 inches away, screaming his name and effectively cuts his rant short.

"Jeez, Lyds. What is it?" Stiles gets that nervous feeling in his chest because something must be terribly wrong and she's looking at him so weirdly right now and -

"I love you, too." She spits out and she's completely breathless and her strawberry blonde hair is still frazzled and his heart is beating impossibly fast and for once in his life he doesn't say a word and just kisses her. Kisses her like she's a prayer, like the thought of her has been running through his veins for 8 years, pushing him to be courageous and thoughtful and strong.

She is pouring just as much back into the kiss as she pushes her lips harder against his. Pouring all the ways he's made her feel wanted and loved, how he taught her it's okay to be herself and that she's sorry - she's so very sorry it took her a whole year to say she loved him back.

They break apart a few minutes later. He lowers his face down and places a kiss behind her ear. She laughs and tells him that if he so much as teases her once about how embarrassingly long it took her to tell him she loved him back, she will happily break his arm.

Stiles looks at her and it's still there that adoration shining through his eyes (_and how could she have been so blind?) _and he nods in agreement because although he loves this girl to death she still scares the crap out of him.

They walk out of the room hand in hand and back into line ready for their future.


End file.
